Can You Ever Be Friends With Your Ex?

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another -- unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then...). With your ex, you've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends -- which ultimately leads to more broken promises.

So, can you ever be friends with your ex? Does it have to be all-or-nothing?

Comfort Zone

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup for weeks, even months or even for years. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times).

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce: "It's not you, it's me. We can still be friends." This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex.

I've Created A Monster

Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around.

So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so often. The person who got dumped, however, has the pleasure of being constantly reminded of the person who ripped out their heart when they receive friendly messages and e-mail.

Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee dates don't last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup.

So, having considered all this, can you ever be friends with your ex? We say no. Find out why.

Exes Must Stay That Way Because

You've Seen Each Other Naked

Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to.

And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another.

Can you ever be friends with your ex? I say no, and I have more reasons...

You Can't Confide In Each Other

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in each other. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because a woman has just pleasured you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It's even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are, however, we'll never actually know how they really are.

There Will Always Be One-Sided Bitterness

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.

Jealousy Comes Into Play

And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is that it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when she's just found the new love of her life.

You Don't Want Them With Anyone Else

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Passion Still Exists

Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times' sake. This brings you right back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.

Moving On

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, you're better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.




Despite of my point of view about ''ex'' is this.... Still I'll dedicate this post to my Dearest Date/ Lover/ Partially Girlfriend/ More Friend  "Pooo".... 
Cause she taught me how to accept the fact and how to let go the person you love the most... We were never together..but  we were together... As every law, every theory has an exception... She is my exception being my friend... She is the encounter of my journey to the road of happiness but I guess... time is not fair cause I am trying to win her back but she didn't accept my genuine proposal.... Why I wanted her back???!!! I guess not everything in this world will be yours in one single moment. You really have to wait for the right time to come if its actually for you. I just really feel bad about it cause the person I anticipate the most that will understand and support me along my journey.. Too Bad! 

Before its Too Late To Save....

           You’ve probably been through a break-up along with your boyfriend/girlfriend before. In case you have, in that case you may be informed about the anguish that accompanies it. It’s actually not unconventional to hope that you’d under no circumstances to feel the same kind of pain ever again.

In case you have certainly not undergone a break-up before, but think as though your romance is headed there, in that case be very aware. You are most probably guaranteed to result in the same mistakes that most females make when trying to prevent a break-up.

I will give you this typical scenario: The relationship begins incredibly. It’d sound as although he couldn’t get enough of you, and a day wouldn’t seem complete without him or her getting in touch together with you at least once. The whole thing appeared fantastic, and also you may possibly even have had thoughts about when he’s planning to go down on one knee and request you to marry him or her.

Then, abruptly, he starts becoming much less present as part of your romantic relationship. For some reasons he or she becomes smothered in work, or simply becomes more fascinated in his / her friends than in you. He or she spends much less and less time with you. You could possibly have tried to inquire him about what was taking place. However he simply signals it off. The further you tried, the more he glides away – until, for whatever cause he or she may have had, he or she basically shattered the romance off.

The key reason why men or women instantly drop interest is because that they’ve lost the attractive force they had for you. I’m not talking about physical attraction here – I’m discussing on the subject of the more intense emotional attraction, which is the things that makes relationships last an eternity. There might have already been a lot of it during the first attraction phases of the romance, but unless of course it stays there, it slowly will go away.

In other words, except if this emotive attraction is rekindled, the romantic relationship won’t survive. And no amount of bothering, chatting, sobbing, or persuading can change things around – it will eventually even simply make the scenario worse and may even cause your hope to avoid a break up.

How to actually prevent a break up

Break ups can be so difficult to cope with. Especially if you are the sentimental sort. I have been through a couple of it before and I think some of you can relate to this as how I did. Cheating was one of the culprit. There is a way to prevent it and like the old saying goes: Prevention is better than cure. We'll discuss what actually can be the causes of all the break ups and try to scrutinize on these factors. And if prevention still fails...its time to go unconventional. And please don't misinterpret this as going mental! I definitely don't recommend that option. I would prefer referring to it as the Kickboxing or Karate.

When There are Cracks on The Hearts.....

Top Reasons Why Break up happens

Lets face it, all things happen for a reason. Boyfriend cheats, wifes having an affair, fiance is seeing another guy who is actually your best friend...well, you name it, no matter how you try to deny it, there are reasons behind all these signs of a relationship breaking up. I hate to say it, but most of the time we are at fault ourselves. Thanks to the ever ignorant nature in most of us. These reasons bear obvious signs that most of us are just too ignorant to notice it because "it can only happen to someone else"...Take a step back to think what we have missed and try considering them. Here are the top Five reasons that I feel I myself have contributed to my past relationship failures.

Let the countdown begin....

Reason Number 5

Placing Trust

I do not know about most of you but to me trust in a relationship can be as equal as having a Crystal vase in the middle of a playground. Its the most fragile thing you can ever have in a relationship but we have to place it there to make it work. I loved my first ex with all my heart. Not telling her lies about things.Trusting her in every way because I believed that she was the reflection of me...that is, until I found out how she had actually got herself into a triangle love affair. Or better, just an affair. Theres no triangle in it. I am quite sure about it now. It just made me wonder if all those responds I got from her during our two year relationship were ever genuine. It was long distance relationship. But so what? Anyways I don't blame her for anything neither I have any hard feelings for her...

What I've learned from this episode is that putting trust in a relationship can go both ways. That is, giving full trust to your other half can either work for you or against you. In this case of mine, it works for both. It works for her because she has misused it to gain for her own interest. And it worked against me because she managed to see someone else right under my nose. That hurts...

I would recommend to place trust accordingly. Adjust its level according to the current situation. Access it with due care and try not to be too blind on not to see it coming. When the time comes where it warrants for trust to be discounted, don't over react. It'll just makes things worse. Give the benefit of the doubt and see how the frequency of the events are. If the discrepancy is too obvious then you have to move to the next step.

Reason Number 4

Blind Accusations

I can say that blind accusation is a follow up of reason number 5 in the signs of breaking up. Where tensions are high, words can also be flying out of each other's mouth in a record breaking speed of bullet without anyone of you realized its full consequences.

Where trust is broken, blind accusation will rise in the relationship. Every move the other party makes will give rise to suspicion which in turn becomes words that can be harmful. We need to analyze and validate the situation with rationale thinking before anything else. Keep cool. Sometimes the most ridiculous event can actually happen and I can relate to that. I have tried explaining to my ex-girlfriend many times when I am not able to answer her call and eventually texting her the reason later as an honest reason. Well I don't blame her but it frustrates me the most when the ridiculous truth was the truth. I've tried explaining to her that I cannot use my cell phone during work. She didn't believe me. And before I knew it, she started to accuse me of two timing her and all. Without a doubt, heated words were exchanged.

All I can say is that, if we can, minimize on this where ever is possible and see the rationale part of things. Come to a conclusion only when you are certain and never before all facts are laid down.

Reason Number 3

Being Irrational In Solving Problems

Things can never get done when yelling takes control of any problem solving sessions. This is particularly true especially in a relationship. I believe this is in fact one of the fastest way to get yourselves the ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend title.

Think about it, when was the last time you ever had anything solved with yelling? Really. Yelling is just another outlet of irrational thinking which can lead to a relationship break down. I know this too well as I have countless shouting matches with my ex before. Many of them I believe now contributes to my previous break ups. I have learned though. I will now always take a deep breath and give myself a buffer timing zone before getting back at the topic or problem at hand. Keeping a cool head does pay off. Try it and you will see the difference.

Reason Number 2

Not Spending Enough Time With Each Other

This is the one reason that I felt the most regret with. I didn't really spent much time with her. In fact, I feel this may be the reason on why my 2nd ex decided to leave me. Always busy with my schedule and hanging out and catching up with friends, I tend to leave her on her own.

She always blamed me that I don't give time to her, and when I am with her I am replying my friends messages or busy on phone not but the least spending most of the time at my workplace. After I lost her I realized that its too late, However after that I made a point to come out with a schedule in my busy life to make sure that I have good portion of time being allocated for things. A surprise vacation with loved one (I don't have yet but...)once in a while just makes her day :-)


Reason Number 1
Communication Breakdown

This is THE number ONE reason why most relationship fails. The lack of communication. It can be a lot of reasons on how and why this can happen but whatever the reason you have, please make an effort on not to let this one happen. This factor can help to prevent all the above reasons from becoming the main ingredient of a break up,

If you have Trust issue, talk to your other half about it. If you have received blind accusations, talk to your other half about it. If you or your other half have not been spending time with each other, talk to your other half about it. Its all about talking and being straight to one another. Letting things to be out in the open does help to bring the relationship closer. It takes time and effort but it sure is an effort that we should make in order to prevent a break up from happening.

These are the fact I have found after taking the heat of split... I hope this would find useful for every single reader out there... 

Coping up with the Breakup..

              It’s never easy when a significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of a breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.


Healing after a breakup
Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good????
Such an ironic question isn't it... 
A breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.
A breakup launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.
Recovering from a breakup is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Here are Best of the Best 10 ways I have found after I became single....


1.) Accept the end - Once the break up happens, you need to put it behind you and cope with the negative feelings that well inside you. The most important thing is to accept it. Do not cling onto the hope that a miracle would happen and things would go back to normal. Do not hope that the break-up would be reversed by some magic and you would be back together as if nothing happened. This would make things unbearable for you. Rather, you should accept it. Accept that your relationship is over. Accept that the other person would not be there for you any more.


2.) Respect yourself - never blame yourself for a break-up. Be kind to yourself and your feelings. Do not punish yourself and do not entertain thoughts of ending your life or anything as drastic. There is life after a break up and chances are that the right person is there out looking for you just at this very moment. Don't you want to meet that special person that God has created only for you? Respect yourself enough to give yourself another chance to be happy.

3.) Pamper yourself for a while - it hurts when you live through a break up. You need to replace the negative feelings created in your heart (and which influences every part of the body) with positive feelings. The easiest way to create positive feelings is to indulge in yourself. Do something you love - go to the movies; go for a world tour or a great tourist destination for a great vacation; treat yourself for a special body massage or beauty treatment; start a new hobby; binge of some food you love; buy some excellent jewelry; etc. Center all your attention on your pleasure for a while. Wash away your hurt by indulging yourself.

4.) Connect with your family - you will be surprised how wonderful the love of your family feels after or during a break up. You will realize how much love you are taking for granted while you are crying for the one love that is no more yours. Count your blessings in the love of your family, your close friends and renew these wonderful emotional bonds.

5.) Allow yourself to heal - do not throw yourself into new relationships immediately after a break up. Raw emotions would almost always give you the wrong reasons to forge new relationships. Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without pain. Learn from the relationship and move ahead. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you.

6.) Forget the revenge mode - falling in and falling out of love happens. It is sad - but it happens. Accept this as a fact and do not seek revenge for being set aside for another person. Break up are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, it is not rejection. It is a way to say that "I am not getting what I want from you." This is fine - nothing personal. Everybody is entitled to their opinion and happiness. Respect this choice and forget revenge. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past. Remember, "Revenge is the confirmation of pain." It also ties you up with the past - never allowing you to really move ahead. Do you really want that?

7.) Take up a new hobby - you might find that time lies heavy on your hands. Use that time to enjoy yourself. Read, watch TV or develop a new hobby which would occupy you and also bring you joy. You might even try to use your free time for a professional course or learning a new language. Keeping your mind occupied in creative activities is a great way to cope with a break up.

8.) Time is the best healer - understand that it takes time for you to stop feeling the hurt n your heart. Give yourself the time to heal. Do not hurry the process along as if you do, the clogged emotions would erupt one day in a harmful way. Realize that the hurt would leave you gradually just as a wound would gradually heal.

9.) Move on - aim ahead. Do all that you find possible to move on as normally as possible. Keep yourself surrounded by well-meaning friends and family with whom you could openly converse regarding your feelings. The more you are able to vocalize these feelings, the better you will be able to deal with a breakup.

10.) Everything happens for the good - understand that everything happens for the good. Use this event as a learning measure for self growth. This is just a step in your journey towards finding the true love of your life.